There is a country song that says “Everybody wants to go to heaven, just don’t wanna go now.” Death is an inevitable part of living, we are all dying, we just don’t want to go today. Dealing with death is a difficult thing and several stages are included in the process. The seven stages of grief are shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, reflection and loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction, and working through, acceptance and hope.
After your loved one is quietly resting in a salon funeraire in Montreal it is time to start the healing. The first stage of grief is often shock and denial especially if it was a premature death. The reality of the permanence of the situation is repressed or denied to avoid pain. Shock provides protection from being completely overwhelmed at once. This stage may last for weeks.
Pain and guilt replace shock. This is a period of intense pain, almost unbearable, but an important part of the recovery process. Don’t hurry this stage or long term healing is almost impossible, and more importantly don’t hide it with drugs and alcohol. Experience the pain for healing, life is scary during this phase, guilt can also set in, did you do enough, do you have remorse, these too are normal and part of the process of healing.
Anger takes over when the body has had enough of pain. It is an easier emotion to deal with sometimes. You want to lash out at somebody but permanent damage to your relationships can result. Also the “Why me?” question will come up repeatedly.
Depression, reflection, and loneliness begin and stay long after the anger wears off. You may feel like it is time to start feeling better, your friends may tell you it is time, but the full magnitude of your loss is felt and those feelings and realities are depressing. Try not to isolate yourself during this time.
Finally, with the advent of life, you start to adjust. You feel a little calmer and reconstruction can begin. When you have recently gone to a salon funeraire in Montreal, don’t rush the stages of grief. They will come, work through each before moving on to a place of peace, hope and acceptance.